My Modest Proposal
by houdinishideaway
Summary: For my English Lit class, we read "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift, and had to write a modern day high school version of it. This one is mine. Very funny even if you hadn't read Jonathan Swift.


A Modest Proposal  
  
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For My (senior high school) English Literature Class, we read "A Modest Proposal", a satire, By Jonathan Swift, and had to create our own "Modest Proposal". This one is mine. I decided to post it for your own entertainment. Enjoy!  
  
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Spend a half hour in the cafeteria and you will hear the woes of the students as they look down at their trays. Look into the trash can and you will find piles of peas, corn dogs, tuna fish sandwiches, and other foods students don't like. Light eaters find themselves throwing away excess food, while heavier eaters wait in line to load up on unhealthy and fattening to add to their greasy burgers and French fries. Sometimes the cafeteria runs out of a popular dish and students have to eat something they'd rather not have. It's especially difficult for students who have special nutritional needs such as diabetes, a diet, allergies, or for vegetarian students.   
  
The quality of cafeteria food is a problem for students. After taking a difficult test, or a stressful day of classes, it's nice to spend a few minutes with friends over a delicious lunch, but when the delicious lunch isn't delicious, it's a disappointment. Not only is the food not always up to our finicky standards, but waiting in long lines in annoyance. Having to put money in your account before school is a bother. If a student is running late and has forgotten to put money in their account, they won't be able to eat lunch, or they have to buy something from the Student Store that is not very nutritious. What if a student forgets their lunch card? Getting ready for school in the mornings can be very hectic, and it's easy to forget a wallet or purse.  
  
For Vegetarian, or students on a diet, the salad bar is offered, but is not practical. For one thing, even if you are a dedicated vegan, nobody wants to eat salad every single day. The salad bar also runs out of things. There is never enough lettuce, and what lettuce is there is often frozen or wilted depending on the lunch shift. There may not be the type of dressing that a student likes. Or they may be out of cheese, tomatoes, or other salad necessities. After all, people who don't want to eat a salad everyday, will be even less happy about eating a salad that's made entirely out of frosty or wilted lettuce.   
  
It's not all the lunch ladies fault. They have to do the best with the food they are given. They have to meet certain nutritional requirements. Lunches have to be affordable. For a $1.25, students receive a full meal, including a drink. For this amount at McDonalds, a student would have just enough to get one item off the dollar menu and pay for sales tax, but they would not have enough to get something to drink. If the school has to pay for better quality food, and a wider variety of items, then those costs will have to be passed onto the students. Everyone is quick to complain about the quality of school food, but would also complain if the prices were raised to accommodate better food.   
  
I'm sure we would all agree that the food in the cafeteria is a problem. Nobody likes cafeteria food. It has been the butt of jokes among high school students for generations. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to have you're favorite dish prepared just the way you like it? Wouldn't it be nice to not have to wait in long lines, or worry about putting cash in your lunch account? I have a simple solution that will solve this problem. Instead of having cafeteria workers, why not have all the student's mothers come to school everyday to cook for them? Now, this may sound a little absurd, but hear me out. Who knows your favorite foods better than your mother? Who would care more about your health? About the nutrition of the food you were eating? Who would know just what kind of tomato sauce you like on your pasta, or how well done you like your hamburger? Who would know your allergies and nutritional needs by heart? A mom would be happy to make sure her vegetarian daughter's nachos have no meat on them, while a cafeteria worker probably wouldn't care.   
  
There are many advantages to this. This will eliminate all student's complaints about their food. If a student doesn't like their meal, they probably would be less likely to complain to their mother than to the lunch lady, on account of the possibility that their mother might ground them. There will be no more long lunch lines because the moms will have the food waiting on the table, fresh and warm. Students will not longer have to worry about putting money in the lunch accounts, or worry about forgetting their cards because their moms will provide the food for their meals. This will also mean the school will save money because they won't have to hire cafeteria workers to cook for the students when the moms will be doing it. The school will also save money on garbage bags. If less students are throwing away their food because they don't like it, then there will be less in the trash can. No longer will teachers and students shake their heads at the shocking amount of waste that our school commits. The school will not be blamed. It will be the moms fault if they don't cook what their children like to eat.   
  
This will also solve discipline problems. Students will be less likely to skip class, or talk back to the teachers because all a Principal would have to do would be get the mom from the cafeteria and let them yell at the kids. This will solve dress code volitions. Many girls wear normal clothes to school, and then change his to slutty outfits their mothers would never approve of when they get to school. With moms in the building, this will take care of the problems very quickly. Also, students who disrupt class with their cell phones because they have to talk to their "moms" will no longer have any problem. All they will have to do is simply walk down the hall.   
  
Don't tell me that the food really isn't so bad, we're just being too picky. Don't tell me that students who have special needs should bring their food from home. Don't tell me that students need to remember to pay their for their food on time, or remember to bring their card. Don't tell me that students expect too much. Don't tell me that more students should take advantage of Subway Days. Don't tell me that if a student doesn't want to wait in line forever, to try to go straight to lunch instead of mindlessly wandering the halls. Don't tell me that Seniors should just go to Open Lunch instead of complaining, or that underclassmen should just suck it up and wait until they are seniors. If you think about it, you will find that my modest proposal is the best solution for the school.  
  
Students whose mothers can not cook will be enrolled in Home Ec classes. Students who do not have mommies, can bring a daddy to cook for them. Microwaves will not be an acceptable form of cooking. 


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